Good news, everyone! The World Wide Fund, the global conservation charity, is finally doing more than simply raising awareness for endangered animals — it’s also fully militarized.
That means (glistening) men with guns ready to fight for what’s right.
And let me tell you, never in the history of our species has that NOT been the most salacious imagery available to the female imagination.
The scoop is that BuzzFeed has uncovered that the WWF is funding paramilitary forces throughout the world. Forces that have allegedly tortured and killed poachers (boo-fuckin-hoo) in nature parks — doing to them what no one else had the balls to do.
The investigation found that in nature reserves where organized poaching gangs operate with impunity, the WWF spent much of the donations it received through its partnerships with paramilitary organizations — and even on the creation of a so-called “Jungle Brigade” made up of former special forces operatives.
The Jungle Brigade.
That’s officially the title of my newest sex fantasy.
The Jungle Brigade is alleged to be engaged in hot, sexy counterinsurgency operations against poachers who threaten the existence of endangered wild animals.
Poachers try to kill panda, Jungle Brigade kill poacher, Jungle Brigade ravage me long time. (ok, I made that last one up)
BuzzFeed goes on to say the WWF’s efforts included providing paramilitary forces with salaries, training, supplies, and in some cases, “raids” on villages participating in poaching.
Like Viking raids?
They also allege that indigenous people face violence at the hands of WWF operatives — claims that the WWF has disavowed but is reviewing.
“We see it as our urgent responsibility to get to the bottom of the allegations Buzzfeed has made, and we recognize the importance of such scrutiny,” the charity said in a statement to BuzzFeed. “With this in mind, and while many of BuzzFeed’s assertions do not match our understanding of events, we have commissioned an independent review into the matters raised.”
Buzzfeed, the party poopers.