The pineapple 🍍 is the feminist fruit we’ve been waiting for The banana is phallic. The peach is pink. The pineapple is just perfect.

Based on emoji use alone, the dainty peach was, heretofore, the fruit most closely aligned with the female anatomy. But a writer for Lena Dunham’s Lenny Letter contends that it’s actually the pineapple that is the world’s most female fruit.

This Dolce & Gabbana number will set you back $3K on sale.

Indeed, the pineapple is having a fashion moment. It’s appearing on everything from formal gowns to the sale rack at Forever 21. It’s being re-appropriated as a design element under powerful female designer Stella McCartiney. Yves Saint Laurent has also embraced the pineapple.

It’s easy to see the appeal.

But it’s more than that. When you examine the intersection of pineapple and culture, you come to realize the pineapple has maintained its neutrality through years of rabidly vacillating wokeness.

The pineapple has never been called racist, or sexist, or misogynist — unlike the banana, which had its own moment in the early 2000s (but was quickly dismissed — being a phallic symbol).

Since it’s home grown, the pineapple can’t be guilty of cultural appropriation. It also doesn’t have negative connotations like the cherry, which appears in rockabilly culture.

“You can playfully joke that a pineapple is a vag, but it isn’t a friendly vag!” says Lenny Letter’s Laia Garcia. “There are spikes to get around, cutting into them takes a bit of practice, and if you don’t know how to eat them right, the rind will fuck up the corner of your mouth.”

I am woman, hear me roar! the pineapple exclaims in this age of Donald Trump.

Yes, the pineapple is the perfect metaphor for the modern, woke lady.

That’s not to say there aren’t problems still to be overcome.

Pineapple production, it turns out, could potentially be problematic, allegedly responsible for deforestation and climate change. Historically, domestic pineapple farms likely employed indentured labor. The pineapple is also notoriously sour unless it’s picked fresh off the plant.

But they are problems we can overcome.

The squishy peach and its pukey pink isn’t who we are or who we want to be. The pineapple is the future.


P.S. Protect yourself from the coming data-powered panopticon by getting a VPN.

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