I straight up love hooking up to music. Honestly, I blame my weakness on dramatic make out scenes set to vaguely synth music in John Hughes movies. I just want every moment that I’m getting busy to be perfect for a romantic movie scene. Hey, in my defense, I spent 23 years of my life with subzero action; I had a lot of time to use my imagination. Plus, blasting music allows me to avoid the awkwardness of hearing roommates watch Netflix during oral.
As someone with music interests that range from Pitchfork approved indie rock, to empowering female-driven hip hop to bad pop-punk, my ideal hookup songs might not be relatable to everyone, but I stand by my aural decisions. So here are 22 hookup songs that I spend way too long picturing myself having sex to.
“2 Become 1,” Spice Girls
Why It’s Sexy: Sure, it’s about getting it on but this ’90s classic mentions something even sexier than that: Safe sex. Yep, nothing sexier than using protection. Wrap it up!
What To Wear: Union Jack bodysuit.
Best Position: Gentle pegging.
“Too Close,” Next
Why It’s Sexy: Honestly, the beat and background vocals makes this song sexy. That’s about it. Otherwise it’s a song about a dude who literally cannot control his boner on the dance floor. NAGL.
What To Wear: An ultra ’90s camisole top and low-rise bootcut jeans.
Best Position: The Restraining Order.
“Feeling This,” Blink 182
Why It’s Sexy: Okay, the sexiness of this song is up for debate but it’s a song about being a timid about getting it on, which is pretty endearing. It reminds me of what I’d imagine the awkwardness of adolescent hooking up would be like.
What To Wear: Dickies, Vans, Roxy t-shirt.
Best Position: Well, is it possible to ollie onto a dick? Is that a move in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4?
“Anaconda,” Nicki Minaj
Why It’s Sexy: It’s about a pussy so powerful that it has the nickname NyQuil. Fucking. Goals. Also, it makes me pretend that my drooping pancake ass is full and supple.
What To Wear: A thong you copped from the sale rack at Forever 21.
Best Position: Salad tossing like your boo’s name is Romaine.
“Just Like Heaven,” The Cure
Why It’s Sexy: One of the few songs by The Cure that is straight up cheerful and–er–kind of cute, right? I want Robert Smith to “show me, show me, show me” how he does that trick that apparently makes his bae scream and fall in love with him. No, really, I’m legit attracted to him.
What To Wear: Smeared lipstick and eyeliner.
Best Position: Passionate floor sex.
Why It’s Sexy: Honestly, probably because it was the background music to this super sexy Skins promo back in 2008. It was a sexy promo. Plus, Thom Yorke’s voice is pretty sexy in a mumbly way.
What To Wear: The residue of a Lush bath bomb.
Best Position: Whatever position you can contort yourself into in a tiny bathtub.
“Take Me To Church,” Hozier
Why It’s Sexy: I mean, my vagina is the church, right? Right?
What To Wear: A cross necklace from Claire’s.
Best Position: Receiving oral while you’re standing and your partner is on their knees. You’re in charge, dude.
“How Many Licks,” Lil Kim
Why It’s Sexy: Lil Kim takes us on a tour of her sexual repertoire and preferred modes of receiving oral sex. Plus, she does it all in an ultra aggressive way that sort of just makes you want to shut the fuck up and let her do whatever she wants with you.
What To Wear: The nipple pasties Lil Kim wore at the 1999 MTV Video Music Awards.
Best Position: Aggressive cunnilingus.
“Barely Legal,” The Strokes
Why It’s Sexy: There’s a sexy sort of sleaze bag vibe to this tune. It’s the song that plays in the background of the fantasy I have in which Julian Casablancas screws me in a bathroom stall. I’m a classy lady.
What To Wear: Leather Jacket with puke on the sleeves.
Best Position: Taking it from behind, bent over a toilet in a punk bar.
“Lick It Before You Stick It,” Denise Lasalle
Why It’s Sexy: The song title alone leaves no mysteries. She is literally telling her man to lick her vag before he sticks his peen in. Yo, this song is dirty. Real dirty. So dirty that, despite the fact that I’m familiar with Trina’s discography, I’m sort of clutching my pearls at this one. But hey, the candor is appreciated.
What To Wear: Sequin gown.
Best Position: Cunnilingus to the third power.
“Crashed Out,” Beach Fossils
Why It’s Sexy: This song is dreamy and wistful. It’s the ideal soundtrack to every indie fuck’s romantic stroll around gentrified Bushwick. “Crashed Out” just feels like a frenzied makeout session in front of a sketchy industrial building.
What To Wear: Mom jeans, ’90s local marathon tee.
Best Position: Back against a wall.
“Pagan Poetry,” Bjork
Why It’s Sexy: This entire song is about the power of sexual intimacy between two people. It’s about giving all yourself over to your lover with zero regrets. It’s about being vulnerable. It’s one of the sexiest songs Bjork has ever made, hands down. Plus, the music video contains some home video of oral sex and ejaculation. It was so hot that it was banned on MTV.
What To Wear: That pearl dress that was pierced into Bjork in the video. Ambitious but hey…
Best Position: Missionary, holding eye contact the entire time.
“Oops (Oh My)” Tweet Featuring Missy Elliott
Why It’s Sexy: This is one of the most masturbatory R&B songs of all time, y’all. Missy’s bit especially. She straight up says that she’s lookin so good that she has to touch herself. Yasss, get it.
What To Wear: Baby Phat velour jacket.
Best Position: Solo masturbation session while your partner watches.
“Fade Into You,” Mazzy Star
Why It’s Sexy: It’s nostalgic, dreamy and lets me pretend that I was sentient in 1994 (I was three-years-old for most of it).
What To Wear: Flannel, choker necklace.
Best Position: Whatever position you can get in when you’re in the back of a station wagon, recreating the music video.
“Let’s Get It On,” Marvin Gaye
Why It’s Sexy: It is literally telling the listener that it is time to fuck but with a funky ’70s flare. Plus, it’s Marvin fucking Gaye saying it. What isn’t sexy about that? He could tell me to eat whole grains and it would be sexy as fuck.
What To Wear: Cocoa butter.
Best Position: Missionary but with a soulful twist.
“505,” Arctic Monkeys
Why It’s Sexy: Crooning about a dysfunctional relationship? Check. Mention of a woman’s hand chillin’ between her thighs? Check. Alex Turner? Check. Wet TBH.
What To Wear: Oversized tee and knee socks.
Best Position: Big spoon lil’ spoon boning.
“When You Sleep,” My Bloody Valentine
Why It’s Sexy: It’s a shoegaze love song and there aren’t enough distorted guitar riffs to distract the listener from its sweetness. Perfect for a pretentious hookup session.
What To Wear: A Slowdive shirt.
Best Position: Believe it or not, a good ol’ fashion 69.
“Feel It All Around,” Washed Out
Why It’s Sexy: The steady rhythm, the twangy portions, the smooth, far away vocals…it’s easy to get hypnotized by this song. So much so that you’ll probably get too wrapped up in making out that you won’t realize that it has been off for five minutes already. At least, that’s exactly what happens to me every time I listen to this song.
What To Wear: Those loose fitting tank tops from Urban Outfitters that aren’t made for people with big boobs.
Best Position: Girl on top but in slow motion.
“Two Weeks,” FKA twigs
Why It’s Sexy: FKA twigs’ voice sounds like it is constantly on the edge of orgasm, and “Two Weeks” is no exception to this rule. It’s the song that you want to get it on to while you’re high AF.
What To Wear: Bantu knots and cage lingerie set that costs half your paycheck but might be worth it.
Best Position: On top, legs wrapped around bae’s waist, blunt in mouth.
“Red Light Special,” TLC
Why It’s Sexy: TLC slow jams are my jam. “Red Light Special” definitely beats out “Creep” when it comes to TLC songs that make me want to have mind blowing sex. It’s impossible to listen to this song without grinding.
What To Wear: Satin pajama set and a silk hair bonnet to keep your hair from dryin’ out #blackgirlproblems.
Best Position: Reverse cowgirl.
Why It’s Sexy: Regardless of the fact that she’s talking about Jay-Z shooting his load all over her blouse, this is pure sexual raunch. It even has a bit en Francais, and we know that the French are all about getting it in. Those horny fucks with their…their bread and cheese and wine and shit.
What To Wear: Prada.
Best Position: The Wow Him Pow-Wow.
“Date With The Night,” Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Why It’s Sexy: The entirety of “Fever To Tell” sounds like an orgasm thanks to Karen O’s sexual energy. This song is full of screams, groans and moans that will leave you wondering why the fuck you’re reading this article when you can be ripping somebody’s clothes off instead. Also, I’ve imagined myself fucking to this song since I was in high school, not gonna lie.
What To Wear: The same clothes you wore when you were in that mosh pit, like, an hour ago.
Best Position: Girl on top, period.
P.S. Protect yourself from the coming data-powered panopticon by getting a VPN.