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12 super offensive Xmas songs to get you in the mood for the stress to come Abusive Christmas songs are just as traditional as the more saccharine stuff -- and a lot more palatable.
With twelve days to Xmas it’s time we got in the mood, so here’s twelve songs to count down the days and help get you through the next twelve sleepless nights you’ll be having — quivering with excitement as you wait for Santa to come down the chimney and make his sentence known. We all know there’s nothing worse than cheery Christmas songs about baby Jesus in some manger waiting to receive his gifts from the three bloody kings. I like my noëls to have swearing and derogatory lyrics, I want to hear about the three kings gang banging Mary under the mistletoe, while Joseph fellates a cow, and Santa…
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How to survive your family during the holidays A survival guide.
Sure. Okay! YOUR family is just soooo fucking perfect. Everyone gets along! You love to spend hours catching up on the 364 days of the year. Breaking bread with blood is the best! Look at you special you you guy you. Golly and jolly! Yay Christmas! Yay Hanukkah! Fuck Hanukkah. Fart Fuck Christmas. Yeah… Fart Fuck Christmas. “Hey, Andy why don’t you chill out, bro and get a grip! Be thankful for what you have! Life’s too short.” Fuck that guy (even though I wrote it; fuck me too.) Like most of us, our immediate family (for lack of a better word)…suck. There’s a reason why you don’t talk to…