Updated to add: The use of the term ‘single mother’ is not exactly accurate. If you are a mother and you are collecting child support, you are not a single mother. You are a single woman. He rejected you. Not the child.
First up, let’s clarify our terms. A widow is NOT a single mother. Her husband died! Lumping her in with single mothers is an insult to his memory, to her and to her children. So don’t even think of doing it. Especially war widows. If you ever find yourself referring to a woman whose husband died on a battlefield as a single mother, you should immediately pour Tabasco sauce into your eyes, because you deserve to weep all the tears I’m certain she has.
Divorced mothers are also NOT single mothers, although a huge flashing PROCEED WITH CAUTION sign is definitely in order. We’ll get to these charming ladies later.
A single mother is a woman who had a child outside of any established relationship, or a relationship so fragile the thickest retard in the world ought to have been able to see bringing a child on board was a FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA. Single mothers are bona fide idiots and here is why you should never even consider dating one:
First, this is a woman who clearly doesn’t give a shit about her child’s well-being and future prospects. Children of single mothers do poorly on every imaginable scale: they have more emotional problems, experience more stress, are more likely to grow up poor, they have lower educational achievements and experience way more behavioral problems than children who grow up with married parents. Depression, suicide, drug abuse, jail and psychiatric medications are all more common in populations of children raised by single mothers.
Ladies, this is why abortion exists! If you screw up and get pregnant, don’t screw up even more and bring an innocent child along with you! The rest of us who have to LIVE with your fucked up, emotionally scarred children will PAY you to have a fucking abortion. Be sensible, for the love of god.
Second, single mothers are clearly really, really shitty at making life decisions. Having a child out of wedlock is pretty much the number one thing you can do to fuck up your life. You can pick up a heroin addiction, drop out of high school, rob a bank or decide to write the great American novel financing yourself on your credit cards. All of those things can be fixed. You can go to rehab, get your GED, get parole, and pay off those cards. But once you have a child, you cannot take it back. It’s done.
Third, single mothers profoundly misunderstand men. There are few men who are overjoyed to spend their blood, sweat and tears on some other guy’s genetic offspring. Remember the Cinderella Effect?
It’s real. A modern man doesn’t turn up his nose at a woman with some sexual experience who might have learned a trick or two from previous lovers about what men REALLY like, or more likely, she learned how to FIND OUT, but the majority of men would like to see a NEW sign on her uterus. No previous occupants. When a man picks a wife, he wants to know he won’t be competing with some random babydaddy who was there before him.
A woman who cares so little about her children, her own prospects, and her future husband is NOT going to make a great wife. Sorry. It’s just not going to happen. A great wife and mother places the needs and happiness of her husband and children ABOVE her own needs, and in doing so, finds her greatest happiness. So politically incorrect to say so, I know. But a woman who makes YOU the center of her life is going to be a great wife. Oh, and in return, you have to make HER the center of your life.
See how that works? Yeah. Not really a huge mystery. You live for one another. You both put each other’s happiness above your own. Exactly what single mothers do NOT do.
Now divorced mothers, who are a breed of single mothers, MIGHT be a little different, but whenever you approach one, sing this little song in your head: it takes two to tango.
Never, ever assume a divorced woman is some innocent blushing maid cruelly abused by some terrible man. Oh, that’s the story she’ll spin for you, because really, what women is going to sit there and say “I’m an unbearably controlling and irrational cunt who made my husband’s life such hell he decided he would rather be a weekend Dad than spend one more second with me”.
When you meet a divorced single mother, immediately start looking for the flaw. It’s something big. Something that drove another man to pledge his undying love to her, to have and to hold, from this day forth, and then sometime later decide “fuck this shit. I’m outta here”. Stand firmly on guard. Scan the horizon, dude. Something wicked this way comes. Or it soon will.
Divorced moms who escaped abusive marriages with drug/sex/gambling/whatever addicts should not get a free pass from you, either. Even if it’s TRUE that the husband was a colossal fuck-up, you need to ask yourself what kind of imperceptive moron couldn’t spot that? What kind of insecurities plague a woman who thinks getting married to a drug addict is good idea? What kind of delusional self-image does a woman have, if she can fall for a con artist with a gambling habit that would shame Charlie Sheen? Be very cautious around a woman who takes none of the blame for her failed marriage. You might not be the FIRST man she blames all her problems on, but you sure as hell can be NEXT.
On the whole, give single and divorced mothers a pass. And for the love of god, if you decide to give one a spin, STAY AWAY FROM THE CHILD. That child is aching for a man to call his or her own. Every child of a single mother lies awake at night in bed, longing for the Daddy he sees on TV, in books, in the lives of the other kids at school. He wants you so badly. Don’t let him fall in love. You’ll break his heart. Or hers. Little girls long for daddies as much as little boys.
That’s the real danger. The children of single mothers have already been wounded so deeply by the lack of a father. To give them some hope that it might be YOU, and then leave them is unspeakably cruel. It’s the worst thing you can do. You can’t save those little innocents, but you can save them from hurting even more.
Don’t date single mothers. It’s just not worth it.
Lots of love,