Femcels rising: how to cope with lack of sex and intimacy The media is bombarding us with sex tips and sex normalization. But what if we're not getting any? How do the rest of us fit in?

Anyone who is exposed to mainstream media on a regular basis is pretty much constantly reminded of sex. We are told how good it is for you, how we can have better orgasms and how to impress our lovers with exciting new skills. We get told how to attract people to do it with, and how to make those we’ve snared want more. But… what if we’re not getting any, eh? How do the rest of us fit in?

It has to be said, some people actively choose not to have sex. Whether they’re committed to religious beliefs which state they should wait until after marriage, or are simply deciding for whatever reason to give up sex after having tried it, some folk want their life to be this way and they love it. These people declare that it has given them a clarity in their romantic relationships that could never be achieved when intercourse was a driving force, and they’ve never been happier.

Whether for reasons within or beyond their control, some women face years of celibacy.

Others end up going without sex for reasons beyond their control. Single people can go without for months or years while they wait for someone who’s worth the hassle to come along. STIs can bring with them enforced periods of celibacy while treatment takes effect. People in long term relationships can often experience a lack of that ‘spark’ which had them jumping each other’s bones several times a week in the early stages.

However it happens, if you end up going without sex when you don’t want to, it can be tricky to not get upset or angry about the whole thing.

The main problem is that everywhere we look, we’re reminded about sex. Adverts for the most mundane things often feature images of semi-naked attractive models and the cover of most women’s magazines seem to be one big screaming orgasm — even if it’s simply about a pair of shoes!

So, we resort to even more masturbation. We flex our fingers, switch on the vibrator and press play on the porn. Online erotica means we no longer have to hold a book one-handed and the internet is full of tips and toys to help us out further.

But once we’ve scratched the itch, it just won’t stop begging to be scratched again. For many people, the more orgasms you have, the more you want.

So the best way to deal with a lack of sex would appear to be doing something to take your mind off it. When receiving treatment at a sexual health clinic once I was told by the doctor, quite flippantly, “oh, and no sex for a week!”

Upon seeing my horrified expression she suggested I curl up with a glass of wine and a good book and, in my fury, I didn’t realize just what a potentially good suggestion that was. If, like me, you find it tricky to become engrossed in novels, there are plenty of other distractions you can employ. Apparently the calamine alternative that’s best for the sexual itch is… exercise.

If we all had the time, energy or motivation to take up running, or the money to join a gym, that’d be great. However, surely I can’t be the only lazy girl who winces at the thought of putting on a pair of trainers that aren’t Converse? In this crazy sexed up world of ours, it appears the only options for those who just can’t get enough are wanking, friends-with-benefits, the contents of your Kindle, or signing up for a half-marathon.

Poking around what makes us and our lovers tick.

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