When you tell people you’re in a relationship with a much older man, the first thing everyone wants to hear is the lowdown on the sex. Is it romantic, mind blowing, good, bad, or non-existent? Is it different being with an older man? Have you learned any new amazing pretzel-bending positions? Does he like to talk dirty?
You can hear your friends asking, “How could you give up dating hot, younger, wrinkle-free men that you actually have something in common with for a much older, wealthy, salt-and-pepper-haired man who listens to Miles Davis?”
Why do we do it? Because wealthy older men provide us with the most important thing: freedom! They provide their sugar babies with a steady source of income. They’re generous, supportive, and respect our boundaries. He isn’t invasive and doesn’t ask too many questions. Deep down, he just wants to know that you are in love with him. And for the most part, he’s careful to not rock the boat too much out of fear of upsetting you.
An older, wealthier man also knows how to please. You may not want to have sex with him every night—or even once a week for that matter—but when it does happen, he makes sure you have a leg trembling, toe curling orgasm. He’s a male—his orgasm is (almost always) a sure thing. Ours, on the other hand, isn’t.
Yes, ladies have needs. We love being desired, wanted, lusted after, and taken care of. What woman doesn’t want that? Most guys, on the other hand, love to impress women, whether it’s with jewelry, cars, trips, an apartment, clothing, or shoes. Older, wealthier men are no different. They’re just more attentive and devoted. We all sell ourselves in some regard; some days it’s our bodies, other times it’s our minds.
Of course, he has needs too, and we all attend to those needs; we’re excellent companions and lovers. The latter just happens (more often than not) when we’re ready to let it. Listen, you can’t be a sugar baby and be naïve; he thinks he can control the relationship with money, using it to steer it one way or the other. We know he can’t, because like it or not, the promise of sex—no matter how immediate or distant—trumps the power of money every time.
When it comes to having a relationship with an older man, it’s about quality not quantity, whether it’s in the bedroom or on Rodeo Dr. While our relationships are mutually advantageous, it’s reassuring to know there are certain things we’re in total control of. As sugar babies, we work our butt off giving him what he wants. But sometimes, we don’t want to work up a sweat.
So let’s get to it: six ways to get what you want without having to give in too much to what he wants in the bedroom.
Make him wait.
Have you met other sugar babies since being with your older man? Get on the phone with them and plan a fun-filled weekend getaway together. You know you can, because it’s not as if you’ll be paying for it. Or, if you’re not really feeling a weekend away with the girls, spend a quiet weekend on your own instead. Spending a little time apart from your sugar daddy will make your next meeting just a little more exciting, maybe a little too exciting for him.
You’re hot, fun, and intriguing—don’t let him forget it! When you know he’s at work or out with friends, send him sexy texts, pictures, and voicemail messages. After you’ve had a manicure, pedicure, massage, and settled in with a nice glass of your favorite wine, give your sugar daddy a call.
Tell him you’re lying naked on the bed, that you’re bored, you miss him, and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Ask him if he likes phone sex or if he would rather wait until he sees you in person. Before you say good night, tell him about everything you bought while you were out shopping (with his money, of course.) Better yet, describe in detail everything you didn’t buy but wish you had. There’s a good chance he’ll make sure you get it.
By the time you get home and walk through the front door he’ll be ready to shower you with gifts. He’ll probably also be so worked up from your heated phone conversation that he’ll finish off before you even have to really do anything.
It is what it is.
Your sugar daddy wouldn’t be in a relationship with you if he couldn’t handle the idea of having you as his gorgeous, much younger girlfriend. He also knows that all relationships, no matter how delicate the kid gloves are, have their ups and downs.
Few things can get in the way of sex like a good, old-fashioned fight. Keep your arguments light; don’t make them too emotional. It could be seen as a sign of weakness, and you don’t want him having to come to your aid. That will just lead to make-up sex, which is what you’re trying to avoid.
Be thorny, not prickly. Make it trivial enough to get you a one– or two-night reprieve, but not so petty that he won’t bother participating in the argument. And catch him off guard—sit casually in a chair while watching TV, look over at him, and lob a beef you’ve been holding back on. Then stand up, with your hands on your hips, and leave the room. Since you only really care about the one side to the story, you don’t need to sit around waiting for his rebuttal. Tell him that it is what it is, and that you need some time alone to think. That will really help drive the point home and if he’s smart, he’ll know to leave you alone for a while.
Timely and unquestionable female issues.
Most sugar daddies have already suffered through a long-term relationship or two, and they don’t want to make waves. He especially won’t want to talk about your female body issues. Unless your sugar daddy is a physician, there are a large number of unquestionable female issues that can save the day.
Your period? No, that won’t work. He knows your cycle. He might be older but he’s also a male. He knows when and for how long the sexual window of opportunity is open, and when it’s going to close. And no, saying you have a headache won’t work either. Studies show sex is good for alleviating certain kinds of headaches, and there’s a good chance your older man will know that. So, you’ll need to be more creative than that.
Endometriosis: You don’t need to be an expert on endometriosis, just familiarize yourself with the basics. It occurs during the reproductive years, is accompanied with cramps, lower back issues, and makes sex painful. It’s also a progressive pain and can—as you’ll tell him—come and go.
Urinary tract infection: Your sugar daddy wants you to be happy and healthy. Sadly, a urinary tract infection puts both of those qualities at bay. Not only are urinary tract infections painful, sex can make it easier for the germs to get into your urethra, which is dangerous. Don’t forget to put a half bottle of UTI-fighting cranberry juice on the night table, just for added effect.
Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow.
Sometimes the anticipation is so great you just want to burst. And that’s exactly what you’re hoping for from him. If you can’t avoid the inevitable, you can at least make the lead-up fun for him and a flash in the pan for you. Sometimes, all that it takes is a lot of easy-to-do foreplay.
Let him know what he’s in for when he gets home. Meet him for lunch wearing a flouncy blouse. Lean in when you talk to him over the table, and give him a flash of cleavage. Speaking of flash, recreate the dinner scene in the movie Flashdance; rest your freshly pedicured toes on the chair between his legs and play footsies with his twins under the tablecloth. After lunch, give him a quick peck on the cheek and tell him to hurry home after work.
Set the mood at dinner. When you hear the turning of the lock, greet him at the door wearing an apron over his favorite piece of lingerie. Tell him you want to work up an appetite before dinner, but you ordered delivery so he’ll have to try and be quick. Rest your elbows on the kitchen table, look demurely over your shoulder at him, and call him over. A little wrap around fun and it’ll be over in a flash.
It may sound like a lot of work, but it helps keep your flirting prowess in check, ensures a quick and easy mattress kiss, and will leave him wanting more. And now he’ll know exactly what he has to do to (periodically) get it.
Sleep with the fishes.
The bookend to delaying physical contact is to “sleep with the fishes.” Start by explaining to him that few things are as romantic as a night home on the couch watching movies.
You may not be a big fan of the Godfather movie trilogy, but chances are that your sugar daddy is old enough for it to be one of his favorites. For some sugar babies, it might be easier to live through the Director’s Cut of the Godfather trilogy than letting him take you to bed. Also try these man-friendly movie series: Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and Dollars.
Start the night with a big glass of red wine or beer. Sit together on the couch eating popcorn. Ask him how his day was, and to not leave out any details. After pouring him a second glass, get him to rub your feet. After all, you chose him to be your sugar daddy; no one else gets the privilege of rubbing your feet.
After a long day at the office and four, five, or six hours of watching The Godfather, he’ll be ready to call it a night—he may even fall asleep on the couch. “It’s OK,” you tell him, adding, “We can do it tomorrow if you’re up for it.”
By their very nature, sugar daddy relationships are mutually satisfying. And he should have no problem giving you what you want. That also means he has no problem giving you what he wants. Unfortunately, there are times when age will prevail, and nature gets in the way—he just can’t perform, no matter how hard he tries.
Tell him that there are just certain times when you want to know that you excite him. Tell him that you don’t want him to have to rely on the little blue pill to get the night rolling. You want him to find you sensual and sexy, that you want to be desired naturally, not with the help of a drug.
After all, your self-esteem can only take so much. What does it say when he has to take a pill to get turned on? If he can’t get there naturally, you don’t want to have to rely on a pharmaceutical company, at least not all the time, and especially not on the night that you just want some time off. No, tonight you just want to cuddle instead.
In any type of relationship, there are expectations. When it comes to sex, there are times when it’s all about quality, not quantity. Sometimes, it has to happen at our own pace, and in our own time. Sadly, this can mean the odd restless, sleepless nights for our sugar daddies. Often times, though, sugar babies are willing to give their sugar daddies what they want. It’s a small price to pay for the freedom, and because older men have a wealth of experience to draw on, the experience in the bedroom can be just as satisfying for us as it is for them.